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BACHELOR PARTY SPEECHES
Speech by best friend to the groom-to-be
We are here to say goodbye to our brother,
Jonathan, who is departing for the land of the married. We all knew that
Jonathan was regarded as an eligible bachelor, but we didn't think that
marriage was what he was eligible for . We tried to persuade Jonathan to
not marry, however it did not work. We warned him that a husband is a
glorified handyman, that he will be spending his weekends painting,
decorating, gardening, and maintaining the car. He will be abandoning
happy Saturday afternoons spent watching football, and instead spend them
shopping, spending money. If he cannot afford a dishwasher he will be a
dishwasher. Sundays will no longer be a day of rest spent playing cricket
or sailing, but devoted to visiting in-laws. Evenings at the pub or the
bar will have to be abandoned and he will stay at home, opening bottles
for others to drink. To all this, he said, and I quote, 'Garbage.' So you
see, his vocabulary has changed already! He continued, 'You are not
married. How do you know?'
So we sought wiser men than ourselves who
have walked down the same path he proposes to take. W. c. Fields said that
women are like elephants, very nice to look at, but he wouldn't want to
own one. A look at our former friends who have married will show that
marriages are made in heaven, to make life hell below.
Alternatively choose a quotation from the
selection in the chapter entitled Quotations.
Many young ladies will mourn Jonathan's departure.
He was all things to all young women. Sometimes they were hinting to
telephone him. In fact a lady who looked like Mae West was hiding in the
phone booth in the parking lot waiting to see him as we came in tonight.
She is still waiting, alas in vain.
We, too, have failed. He remains unconvinced. To
him an evening with one woman is worth an evening with ten of us. She must
be a truly wonderful girl. We shall never know. So we have gathered here
this evening to spend a last evening telling jokes with our friend, who is
unhindered by responsibilities. We decided to present him with a small
token which he can take to his new life, and keep in memory of his
bachelor days and the friends he has left behind. Unfortunately when we
went into the shop to buy his gift we met a couple of his ex-girlfriends
who insisted on coming along to remind him of the girls he is leaving
behind, and to present him with a small, but wonderfully packaged gift, a
token of our friendship. Jonathan -Here they are!
Two male friends dressed in drag appear, possibly
as twin brides, preferably in long dresses or other outfits that keep them
well covered to prevent any incidents among their own group or from
outsiders. They present the gift. It should be something useful for
setting up home, if only a rather expensive bottle-opener, possibly with
other small mementoes of his favorite bachelor activities or sport such as
golf balls, presented inside something amusing and clearly feminine but
not in bad taste, such as a pair of stockings, with a blue garter for him
to give to his bride for the wedding so that she can wear 'something
borrowed, something blue'.
An alternative would be a huge gift, something
large which the drag brides have difficulty getting through the door, such
as a golfing umbrella, or a garden umbrella if the couple hope to move
from bachelor flats into a house. It could be extended to look even
longer, and presented with the words that we wanted to give you 'a small
gift' or a gift 'big enough for two'. I am sure that the jokes which this
will inspire can be left to the inspiration of the moment.
Looking for that great opening or close.
Here we have a wide selection of
wedding
toasts for everyone to everyone
Have you made a
wedding speech? If you are willing to allow us to show
it here on our site to help others Then Email it to:
speeches@foreverwed.com
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