Foreverwed.com ~ View topic

Joined: 04 Oct 2002 Posts: 5 Location: Florida

My daughter and her fiance will be married at Disney World in February. We live in a small town and the concept of a destination wedding is foreign to most of our friends and family. Due to budget constraints, we've had to limit the guest list to the immdiate family, bridal party and their spouses.

I anticipated there would be hurt feelings and "outrage" expressed by some of the people we cannot invite. I discussed the possibility with my daughter before the final decision was made that she might be "punished" by some of the relatives and friends we cannot invite.

I'm sorry to say that is happening. Even though she acknowledged the possibility and stated the trade off was worth it, it still hurts her now that reality has walked in the door.

I've stressed to her that persons we've not invited to the wedding should not be expected to attend, or host, showers and parties but she insists a destination wedding is "different'. I try to help her understand that concept is not accepted in our town.

Has anyone else had any experience with this or any "rules" regarding destination weddings I can share with my daughter. We'll get through this and have a beautiful event, but I want to help her now.

Thanks for listening.

Margaret

Site Admin Joined: 08 Jun 2002 Posts: 1174

Your daughter is right in thinking that a destination wedding is different and it may take awhile for some people to get used to the idea. Usually, a couple chooses to have a destination wedding because they prefer to keep the wedding small and intimate and share the occasion only with close family and friends. This actually makes the entire wedding and the days surrounding it much more meaningful for those who do attend. The bride and groom and their families are able to spend quality time together, getting better acquainted as families, and deepening relationships.

A destination wedding is also much easier to plan, since someone at the "destination" makes all of the arrangements. Destination weddings are often less expensive than having a large wedding followed by a honeymoon, since the ceremony and honeymoon both occur at the same location.

Its easy for those who have been "excluded" to feel that your daughter is being selfish, but in reality she is expressing her personality and what will be most meaningful for her and her fiance. It would be unfortunate if she agreed to go through a "traditional" wedding just to please relatives when she would be miserable or uncomfortable on her wedding day. Perhaps if you share some of the above reasons with those who have not been invited, they will see the logic in your daughter's choice.

Have you considered having a reception after the wedding in your hometown and inviting the family and friends? That way, those who didn't attend can share in the couple's joy and perhaps not feel quite so left out. A reception should be hosted by you and/or the groom's parents. You might play the wedding video at the reception so that guests can see what took place.

As for showers, this is a matter of personal choice. Your daughter's friends who understand the concept of destination weddings might choose to have one for her and that would be perfectly acceptable.

I hope that things will work out for all of you and that the wedding will be a lovely affair.

Glenna Tooman, ForeverWed.com Wedding Consultant

Joined: 04 Oct 2002 Posts: 5 Location: Florida

Thank you so much for your reply.

I support my daughter's decision regarding the location of her wedding and know it will be beautiful as well as meaningful to all of us.

The wedding should be exactly the way she and her fiance want it. The wedding is hers - not the community's.