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Joined: 18 Jun 2002 Posts: 1

I am the groom. I have a problem with a particular family member (a cousin) whom I would rather not invite to my wedding. He 20+ years old and is known for being obnoxious, uncontrollable, and the constant center of negative attention. We (the bride to be and I) have invited his mother, my aunt, but would rather he not come.

Although there is no guarantee he will cause a scene and despite my families assurances of his behavior I would still rather he not come. My mother has threatend that she would not attend the wedding, that she is mostly paying for, if I uninvite my cousin. What do I do?

Site Admin Joined: 08 Jun 2002 Posts: 1174

Hello Sean,

I'm sorry to hear about your problem. Relatives can create problems when we feel obligated to invite them yet don't really want to. You run the risk of offending not only your mother, but your aunt and other family members as well if you uninvite him, particularly if he is singled out and made to feel as if something is wrong with him or that he isn't good enough.

Is there someone that could be asked to keep an eye on this cousin if he does come, preferably another male or a couple of them? The person needs to be someone that your cousin would listen to if they tell him he must change his behavior or leave. Since your mother is aware of the situation, will she help in seeing that he doesn't get out of line?

You don't mention whether your cousin is generally obnoxious or if he is worse when he has had something to drink. If that is the case, you can inform the bartender to keep an eye on him and limit what he is served, or don't serve any alcohol at all at the reception.

Glenna Tooman, ForeverWed.com Wedding Consultant