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Site Admin Joined: 07 Jun 2002 Posts: 618

My parents want me to have a traditional religious ceremony which I feel doesn't reflect me and my fiancé' or the way we want to start a marriage together. We want to write our own vows and include secular readings, but my parents don't think that's proper. What should I do?

Site Admin Joined: 07 Jun 2002 Posts: 618

This is your wedding day and you should be able to do what you want to as long as it is tasteful. However, reality sometimes dictates that we make compromises. If your parents feel really uncomfortable with some of your choices, you might want to find a way to compromise between what you want and what they want. You might also try to find out why they are insisting that you do things their way. Is it because they believe that only one way, the traditional way, is "proper," or does your church have some restrictions on how a ceremony can be conducted? If the church has restrictions, you will probably have to abide by them or find another location for the ceremony.

You might begin by talking with the person who will be performing the ceremony and share what you want to do, including the text of the readings and the vows. If the person has no problem with you writing your own vows (most don't), you can reassure your parents that what you want to do is acceptable.

If there is a problem with doing what you want to during the ceremony, you might consider having a reading or two during the reception.

If you are considerate of your parent's feelings, they may be more willing to cooperate.

Best wishes to you.

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Glenna Tooman, Wedding Expert, ForeverWed.com
Memory Makers Event Planning, LLC
http://www.memorable-events.com

Are your parents paying for the wedding? If not, as Glenna said, it is mostly up to you. Bear in mind that if you don't compromise at all, it could really cause friction in your family for years to come, if the issues are ones that they feel strongly about. You don't want tears to still be shed in 10 years when you take out the album, so you may want to compromise. I hope everything works out, and remember that in the end it is your day, and it is you and your fiance's happiness that matters most. Best of luck!