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Site Admin Joined: 08 Jun 2002 Posts: 1174

I would agree with SarahM. Usually, if you receive an invitation, a gift is given. However, if you don't know the couple well or you can't afford to send something, then you don't have to. It is courteous, however, to at least send a card with a personal note of congratulations.

feeling guilty,
changes inplans are a part of life and while you are dissapointed at not being able to attend your friends weeding, you nshould let him know ASAP. As to feeling guilty it is hard but is something has comeup that stops you attending (and if it truly is important) then there really isn't anything you can do.
You can give a gift or not this is up to you, but as you seem close to this person (the groom I am suspecting) then a gift would be a nice idea, as to what to get them try calling a family member of his etc or a member of the bridal party to see if they are registered and then choose something nice (and personal) off of it or even better if you are good friends with this person then use your imagination, you know this person and what they like see what you cancome up with being imaginative and personal.
For me I always prefer giving something personal as anyone can go out an buy towels or a toaster but if you truly think about the people who are to receive it (and know them well enough to have some kind of idea) then use your imagination to put something special and personal together.
What about a nice basket that can be used to picnincs and things and then fill it with loevely romantic gourmet items such as champagne and chocolates a couple of candles, some massage oil and bubble bath, a few gift vouchers out for nice dinners, so nice gourmet snacks a video rental hire or 2, or even a pizza and video voucher for a nice night IN.
Think about them and what they like and what you can afford and use your imagination and put something personal together, include a card that says that you are so very sorry that you couldn't attend
(if on a budget) why not enclose a small card in with the card and have printed on it (do this yourself on your computer) that you are so very sorry that you couldn't attend there big day but as a gift you are going to take the happy couple out to dinner (or cook for them at home) after they return from there honeymoon to catch up on everything you missed and to view the photographs and video etc and to spend time with them.
As I said just becasue you can't make it doesn't mean you can't make a special effort and if you know then then try doing something extra nice and special for them. (with the basket idea you could enclose a little note that says again sorry I could not attend you big day so here have a romantic evening on me...)
Good Luck
Sharon

Site Admin Joined: 08 Jun 2002 Posts: 1174

Do be certain to let your friend know that you can't attend as soon as possible, before they must give a final count to their caterer, usually within a week of the wedding. Otherwise, they will be charged for food for you.