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Site Admin Joined: 07 Jun 2002 Posts: 618

My fiance and I are really not in need of the usual finery that is doled out as wedding gifts. We both think we would most utilize or benefit from monetary gifts. Can we ask for money without being offensive?

Site Admin Joined: 07 Jun 2002 Posts: 90

You can request, though not insist, that guests refrain from giving gifts (for any number of reasons), but to request the "type" of gift -- as by asking for money only -- is very likely to offend.

Best wishes to you,

Sara Ambarian

-----
Foreverwed.com Expert--- Sara L. Ambarian
author/creative consultant/custom bridal designer
http:/home.netcom.com/~symbios/weddings.html

Site Admin Joined: 08 Jun 2002 Posts: 1174

Be aware that the purpose of a wishing well is to leave small notes of congratulations for the bride and groom, not money.

Joined: 03 Mar 2006 Posts: 2

a cute (and realistic, not to mention modern) idea is a verse i found on a wedding invitation i recieved a few years ago.

as we're sure you know,
we've been living in sin,
so we have everything,
from bowls to a bin.
so if you wish to spend,
and feel that you must,
a money tree will be here,
and many thanks from us.

i did not find this offensive as i knew it was a young couple who really needed a hand. and it is only saying 'if you feel the need to give'. this young couple ended up with a 2 day getaway that they never would have been able to afford in any other way! they are friends and if you are close and care for the people in question their needs should not be offensive.

Site Admin Joined: 08 Jun 2002 Posts: 1174

I would be offended to receive a note like that in an invitation.

Joined: 06 May 2006 Posts: 2

I received a shower invitation from the bride's sister which states that there will be a money tree. I've never been to a money shower before. My question is how much should I give?

The bride was my best friend back in high school. But now that we're in our late 30s, she's a doctor and I'm a single mother on disability. I know my friend wouldn't want or expect me to give anything. But I can't bring myself to do that. So what should I do?

Site Admin Joined: 08 Jun 2002 Posts: 1174

Actually, the hosts are out of line to have a money tree at a shower. The purpose of a shower is to "shower" the bride with gifts for her new home. If she has no need for gifts, then it is better to have a tea or a luncheon as a way to celebrate with family and friends without the expectation of gifts.

With a money tree, the money is placed on the tree and there is usually no way to tell who gave what amount unless a check is given. Therefore, give whatever you feel comfortable giving and bring a card that you can hand to the bride. Don't place the money in the card.

Joined: 06 May 2006 Posts: 2

Ok, thanks. She really doesn't need anything. She and her fiance are both very comfortable financially.