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Site Admin Joined: 07 Jun 2002 Posts: 618

Hi Everyone,

I just found out my sister is getting married. I am the MOH and need some ideas on a stagette (?) for her. She is getting married this summer so I am a little tight for time. Should I have a party for the bride and groom or just the bride? I haven't been to a wedding in a couple of years, so I am not sure the latest trends for parties. Thank you in advance for all your suggestions!!!

Site Admin Joined: 07 Jun 2002 Posts: 618

There are a couple of different parties that the maid of honor may host or co-host. One is a bridal shower. The other is the bachelorette party. For a shower, you invite close friends and family of the bride. You should not invite anyone to a shower that has not been invited to the wedding. Generally a shower is held up to a month before the wedding, or even earlier, depending on circumstances.

If you are hosting a bachelorette party, you should keep it small. Invite the ladies in the wedding party and the moms, and maybe another few close friends of the bride. It should be held about a week before the wedding.

When planning a bachelorette party, be sure that no questionable or offensive activities occur and that no one feels embarassed to be there. Many arguments occur between the bride and groom and other married couples when questionable activities occur, including visits to bars or inviting a male stripper. Instead, choose to do something fun for everyone, such as going to a spa after hours, or having a pajama party. Whether you host a shower or a bachelorette party, your sister will appreciate your thoughtfulness and your willingness to make her day special.

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Glenna Tooman, Wedding Expert, ForeverWed.com
Memory Makers Event Planning, LLC
http://www.memorable-events.com

Site Admin Joined: 07 Jun 2002 Posts: 618

Glenna has given a good explanation of shower and bachelorette parties.

Sometimes a bride will have both parties given for her (both by the MOH or one by the MOH, and the other by other friends/family members), and when she does, it's usually because the *mood* of the two parties is different.

In general, a shower is a more quiet and formal (comparatively) party, where the focus is on feminine gifts and sharing special time with female friends and family. Mothers, sisters, aunties, cousins, godmother, grandmothers, peer-age friends, older female friends, co-workers who are invited to the wedding, etc., might all be invited to a shower.

For a bachelorette, even when the actual "event" is planned to be "non-offensive" as Glenna wisely recommended, the guest list is most often more limited. It's traditionally more of a "girls night out", usually spent with peer-age friends, family, and/or co-workers-- although the nature of the activity might be something completely different than the "stag-ette" party many of us picture. As mentioned, a spa night (or spa day) or a slumber party would be a reasonable activity. You might also consider a dinner at a favorite fun or fancy restaurant, an evening of theatre, a picnic or barbeque, a day at an amusement park, or any other activity that would provide a fun outing for the bride and a few closest "girlfriends".

And while most brides do have a shower, many do not have a bachelorette. Your own finances, the time before the wedding, the willingness and ability of others to help plan or contribute to costs, etc., as well as the preferences of the bride, all should be considered when deciding on what party or parties are appropriate or desirable.

As for the bride-and-groom shower you mentioned, often called a "couple shower", IS a newer trend some couples and their friends and family are following. I think that the idea behind most couple showers is to replace both the traditional bridal shower and the bachelor party with a more unified (and for some brides, less girli-fied) party. And that's an understandable consideration.

However, there are a few drawbacks to couple showers that you might want to consider as you plan.

At a "mixed company" party, it is really inappropriate to give intimate gifts. I know people who have done this, but it makes many guests very uncomfortable when there are men and women attending while the bride is opening up lingerie, for example. I have had both men and women guest comment to me about this.

Also, a great portion of the reason behind showers is to bond before marriage with those of your own S**, get and give advice, share gender-specific concerns/joys/ideas, etc. When a couple has their showers together, there's less (or usually none) of that bonding, so the focus of the party shifts. In this case, now the couple shower is usually really no different from an engagement party, rehearsal dinner, or any other event which just celebrates the upcoming wedding.

And the necessity of keeping gifts more appropriate to bride *and* groom, rather than personal to one or the other, makes a couple shower, for guests, more like a second time to give "wedding" style gifts.

If you are not sure what party or parties you should host, the very best way to figure that out is to speak to your sister directly, find out what her preferences and ideas are, and then host the party or parties that best suits those preferences and your own time, finances and comfort level as hostess.

Best wishes to you, and to your sister and her future husband.

Sara Ambarian

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Foreverwed.com Expert--- Sara L. Ambarian
author/creative consultant/custom bridal designer
http://www.foreverwed.com/~sara

Joined: 03 Dec 2003 Posts: 78 Location: Bellevue, WA

I too would NOT be happy with the * decorations or a stripper, for me an ideal party would be friends and what family I have left (I lost my Mum, Mother in law to be and grandmother last year),spending the day/ night pampering ourselves, playing games (and NOT S** related ones or anything distasteful), and making ourselves beautiful and relaxed for the wedding.
All of the showers and such I have been to have been about the bride and what she wants but I don't know how comfortable I would be in some of the situations suggested. I am not a prude or anyting but I am a bit shy and don't think going to adult only shops with lots of family and friends would be embarrasing (if I was going to go to those shops (and I have no problem with doing so as they have some of the prettiest and tateful lingerie I have seen as well as other tasteful stuff) I would prefer to go alone or with one friend (or my Mum if she was still alive), so that I could look and buy what i wanted and not have others tastes etc thrown in my face.
Sharon

Joined: 03 Dec 2003 Posts: 78 Location: Bellevue, WA

*laugh* Susan. If others want to insult those with an appropriate view of sexuality as "prudes" I'll accept the label understanding from whence it came.