Future Plans
What are your three most important future goals?
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Do you hope to buy a home?
What kind?
Do you hope to travel a great deal?What are your career goals?
Do you understand, accept, and support each other's goals?
Whose career will have priority for transfers? Will either of you further your
education?
Do you want to live in the city, country, or suburbs?
Will you eventually become active in civic or other organizations?
How do you feel about your wife pursuing such activities? What's more important a
fulfilling career or a high-paying one.
How do you feel about putting in extra, unpaid hours to get ahead.About her doing
the same?
Traveling out of town overnight?
About her doing the same?
Have you discussed these matters? How does she feel?
Religion
Does your future spouse share your religious beliefs?
If they conflict, have you discussed the matter?
Will you attend religious services regularly?
Will your spouse attend with you?
Will you or she become actively involved in church activities?
Will you observe the customs of faith in your home?
If it's an inter-faith marriage, how will you resolve conflicts?
How will the children be raised?
Will your children be sent to religious affiliated schools?
Do you believe in tithing?
Communication Can you honestly talk to one another about your thoughts and feelings?
- If not-why?
When you disagree do you-
- scream and yell
- withdraw
- not speak
- talk it out
- ignore the problem and hope it will go away
Do you feel that you should have a greater say in matters
or the final word?
Does she agree? Do you believe she listens to you and is trying to
understand you? Do you do the same for her? Does she agree with your
analysis? What subjects do you argue about the most (besides the wedding plans)?
- Do you think these problems will eventually be
resolved? How? If not, can you live with that?
Sex
Are you each comfortable talking about sex? Do
you have the same feelings about fidelity? Would you be willing to obtain help
if there was a problem? Do you feel that you're totally responsible for pleasing her,
she's totally responsible for pleasing you. Would you have sex if you weren't
in th<! mood? Do you expect her to have sex if she's not in the
mood? Do you feel that sex is proper only at a certain time or place? Does she
agree? Do you expect your sex life to be occasionally experimental? Does
she?
Are You Ready For Marriage
What scares you the most about marriage?
- Loss of freedom
- More responsibility
- That it won't work
- Having children
- Financial problems
Do you believe that you're mature enough for marriage? -Is
she? Do you expect her to change? In what way? Is that
realistic/probable? Does she know? Do you have a stable job? Does he? Do you
make enough to live comfortably?
It takes work and effort to create a good marriage. You
must give each other space to grow, develop interests together, and never stop listening
andexpressing thoughts, ideas, problems, and feelings. Resolve disagreements when you can,
and try for compromise (or at least understanding) when you can't.
Don't spend too much time comparing your relationship to
others. No two marriages are alike, and there are no 'rules' that will guarantee a
happy life together. Every relationship has its good and bad side, and you'll
never know the whole picture of anyone else's situation.
Marriage is a state of interdependence, not dependence.
You're not yourself, you're adding another person to your life. You and your bride
will make your own future. Your life together is an empty slate right now, it
will slowly grow and evolve into one that you can live with.
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