Q
What is the proper way to
ask for money in your invitations, instead of gifts?
A
It
is in questionable taste, according to all etiquette
sources with which I am familiar, to refer to gifts in
*any* way on the invitation itself. And, although I
understand (the sometimes quite legitimate and logical
reasons) why some couples might prefer not to receive
actual physical gifts, it is never polite to
**officially** ask for money in or
on the invitation.
There are a few relatively acceptable steps a couple can
take, however, depending on the reason for asking for
cash.
~ One good (and less-offensive) way to let guests know
the couples' gift preferences is for their close friends
and family to be informed, so that *should guests ask*,
these people know know the answers. If the couple is
actively saving for some large expense (and in need of
money), rather than "just doesn't want" gifts, many
guests will likely be sympathetic to this preference.
~ If the reason the couple does not want gifts is that
they either do not have the room to store many
possessions, or because they already have all their
household goods, then they can consider asking that
guests do not bring gifts at all. Some guests find this
less offensive than a request for money.
Etiquette sources disagree, however, as do guests and
others involved, as to whether or not it is acceptable
to include a "no gifts, please" notation on the
invitation. In many western US communities, this would
not be considered in bad taste, but I know that in some
social circles, especially in the more
strictly-traditional eastern big cities and southern US
communities, ANY mention of gifts on or in the
invitation is considered rude.
Again, if it's not on the invitation, the family and
wedding party members could help spread the word *if
guests ask them* about the couple's preferences. Either
way, this could be a more gracious way for this couple
to avoid gifts altogether.
~ If the couple doesn't want gifts because they are very
particular in their tastes, perhaps they might consider
registering for the specific gifts they would welcome.
Registries are now available in a variety of stores
besides the traditional department stores, so couples
can now list their preferences in not only housewares,
but also building materials, sporting goods, and many
other items.
Not all guests enjoy using registries (I notice more and
more people mentioning that they dislike the whole
idea), but it is a currently
socially-acceptable way for couples to say "I want
this". It would certainly be preferable, from an
etiquette standpoint, to any request
for "cash only".
I hope that you find something here that's of help to
you. Should you have additional questions, feel free to
contact me or Foreverwed's other experts.
Good luck to you and to the couple.
Foreverwed.com expert-- Sara L. Ambarian
author of "A Bride's Touch: A Handbook of Wedding
Personality and
Inspiration"/ creative consultant/ custom bridal
designer
mailto:sara@www.foreverwed.com
For more wedding information:
http://www.foreverwed.com/~sara
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