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Should Money
be the first topic after the Engagement
You've
got your ring, and you are officially engaged. You are
as excited as you can possibly be. You have met your one
true love and expect to spend the rest of your lives
together. BUT, did you know that an engagement ring
isn't a gift to keep .... legally in the United States
of America, it is considered an "anticipated
gift".... in other words, it doesn't really become
yours until the marriage contract is signed. And, in the
summer of 1997 US courts upheld this as a legal statute.
In other words, it has become law. Until then it was
merely "custom' that if the groom called off the
wedding, the bride got to keep the ring; if the bride
called off the wedding, the ring was returned to the
groom. But now the courts of law have intervened. If
this isn't enough to upset the ring bearer's pillow, get
ready for other important factors that can make or break
your wedding day. For years wedding magazines and books
refused to write about realities in planing a wedding.
They felt that talking about money and costs to put on a
wedding would detract from the dreamy fantasies that a
lady has in thinking about her wedding. That has
changed. Today's contemporary wedding periodicals and
books are more realistic and thus provide a greater
service to the consumer in the sense that they are
writing about budgets and costs. But, they still are
not writing about realistic costs. They are taking
averages of costs of weddings that might involve
pot-luck in a town with a population of 5,000 people and
averaging that with the cost of a wedding in a fancy-smantsy
city like San Francisco or Chicago or New York. Most
magazines and books state that the average wedding in
the USA costs about $ 17,000 for 125 - 150 people.
Actually, the more accurate amount is closer to $ 25,000
to $ 35,000. So, let's talk about money and realism,
because it should be the first topic of conversation
after the happy tears of new a engagement dry up.
When beginning to plan
a wedding, sit down with your fiancée and talk about the
wedding you want, the wedding of your dreams, the
wedding that will relate to your friends and relatives
who you are and what you are becoming. Make a list of
categories that are necessary for a wedding (ceremony
and reception sites, florist, photographer, cake,
etc.... Beside each category, write out what you want to
have. Next to that make three columns: the first column
(label this column "Budget") is what you think you are
able to spend in each category. The second column will
be what we call "Realistic Costs" and a third column
labeled "Actual Costs..... and we'll come back to these
below. Add up the first column
Does it match what you
have budgeted? Remember, you are giving a party for 50,
100, 150 or 200 people. Remember also, unless you have
given parties for 50, 100, 150 or 200 people, you may
not know what some things costs.
To determine what
things (photographer, caterer, flowers, limousines,
videographers, ceremony/reception sites, etc .... we
call these people "vendors") really do cost, begin
making lists of reputable and professional vendors in
the area where the wedding will be held, This is easier
than you might thing. Start by asking your friends who
have recently had a wedding. Next ask some of your
corporate/professional friends who have hired vendors
for corporate or other social parties/events. Then, get
on the telephone and call vendors in your neighborhood
or even from the yellow pages. Let them know who you are
and the date of your wedding, and ask them for the
following to be sent by mail or fax: a price list, a
copy of their brochure and other business materials, how
long they have been in business, a copy of their
business license and a certificate of insurance. Ask
them for a list of referrals .... it's important to ask
for other professional referrals .... not just brides
(recognize that no smart business person is going to
give you an unhappy referral), so you want to know what
others in the industry think about these people you are
about to interview.
Recognize that some
costs with certain vendors are going to be similar (for
instance, professional and reputable photographers are
going to have similar packages; the same with
videographers and limousines). However, caterers,
florists and cake professionals may vary considerably in
costs, and this has more to do with the quality of their
work or service or what you are desirous at having for
your wedding. Also, ask the vendors you talk with on the
telephone, what other vendors they like to work with.
Make a note of these and call them to get information.
If a vendor is not willing to give you most of the above
information on the telephone or send you the material by
fax or mail, then think twice about scheduling an
appointment. But, in fairness to the vendor, recognize
also that most wedding professionals are small
businesses and especially regarding weddings, prefer to
meet the bride and groom in the flesh so as to be able
to show them their products or services firsthand.
Take all the
information that you have gathered, look at their costs
(even if these are ranges) and then put them into your
"Realistic Costs" column.
Once you have gathered
the above information, then you can begin making
appointments to interview vendors. Start interviewing
the vendor who seems to be the most pleasant and closest
to matching your budget and what you want. Remember when
interviewing vendors, you must compare apples to apples
and not apples to oranges. This means, just because one
photographer might have a lower price, doesn’t mean that
he or she is offering the same thing. Again, when
interviewing vendors, ask what other vendors they like
to work with. Make a note to interview those vendors. A
successful wedding has a good team behind the scenes.
And a good team is made up of people who have worked
well together.
At the end of the interview with each vendor, ask them
to commit to a price according to what you have
explained what you want. if the rate is over your
budget, then talk to the vendor and ask if there are
ways they work, products or services can be tailored so
that you can stay within your budget. Leave with some
concept of "Actual Cost" for that vendor. Take all of
these costs and put them into your "Actual Cost" column.
Now, for the first time, you have a realistic concept of
what the wedding of your dreams will cost. But also, you
should have an idea of the cost of your wedding that
might be more streamlined and cut back so that you are
not going over your budget but at the same time not
compromising too much what your dreams are.
Now that you have a
realistic budget, determine if you can afford presenting
your desired wedding. Find out from one another and the
sets of parents where the money is going to come from.
Total the amounts and compare it to your "Realistic
Cost" column. Call the vendors that you best like, that
you think will best do what you want and get a
contract sent to you. If a vendor is unwilling
to get a contract then at least get everything in
writing .... you may have to draft the letter yourself,
send the letter to him and have his/her signature and
yours with the date and amount contracted. If the person
isn't able to do this, then don't even think of firing
that person to do your wedding.
My most important
advice: Figure out your budget and stay with
it. This means: first, figure out a budget for
the wedding of your dreams, and secondly, figure
out a wedding according to your budget. A lot of
money is going to be spent on your wedding day; make
sure you are getting your money's worth, but most of
all, don't go into debt over this most important day in
your two lives.
The author, Robbi Ernst
III, teaches a home study course on how to set up your
own wedding and event consultant company. The course is
also taught at Norwalk College in Connecticut. View
their website (www.junewedding.com),
click on Certification Seminars for further
information. They have requested not to telephone for
information as all information is available on the
website
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