His, Hers, Ours
written by Larry Burkette
When God said in Genesis
2:24, "They shall become one flesh," He is not just talking about the
physical sense. God created marriage as the highest, most honored, most intimate of all
human relationships. As such, the husband-wife relationship takes precedence over all
blood-kin ties.1
God almost always puts opposite personality types together in a marriage, not to frustrate
them but to allow the strengths of each spouse to balance the weaknesses of the other.
However, it is not easy to see beyond the differences and begin working toward common
goals as a team.2
In the New Testament, Jesus draws an interesting parallel
between the way people handle money and the way they handle spiritual matters. In fact,
the way people handle money very well could be the best outside reflection of their true
inner values.3 "For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also"
(Matthew 6:21). God uses money in the lives of any couple to draw them closer together. In
contrast, Satan wants to drive a wedge between a husband and wife. Why? In hopes that the
resultant turmoil will drive them away from God.
In a marriage, there is no "my money" and
"your money" or "my debts" and "your debts." There is only our
money and our debts. A couple cannot be one if they are constantly
separating their lives by separating their finances. God will bring a couple closer if,
from the very beginning, they establish God’s Word as their financial guide, and then
follow those principles.
A marriage is not a 50/50 relationship, as many people
think. It is a 95/5 relationship on both sides. Each must be willing to yield 95 percent
of their rights to their spouses. If they are not willing to do that, it will not work. No
viable marriage can survive a his or her relationship for long, because it is totally
contrary to God’s plan.4
Larry believes that a couple should never maintain separate
financial anything, including checking accounts, because when they develop a his money/her
money philosophy, it usually leads to him-versus-her mentality. Unwillingness to join all
assets and bank accounts after marriage is perhaps a danger signal that unresolved trust
issues could still be lingering in the relationship.5
Practically speaking, however, only one person should keep the books. And even though one
person primarily handles balancing the checkbook, both should be fully trained and able to
do it. The couple might decide to switch these responsibilities every six months or so.
There is nothing wrong with the wife handling the finances
in the family if she is the better administrator, but God still holds the husband
accountable for the ultimate decisions. When there is an impasse, the wife must yield to
her husband and allow the Lord to work it out. As they work together, encouraging one
another, God will show them His favor and grace.6
However, being responsible as the leader does not mean the
husband is a dictator; nor does it mean the couple should not discuss and agree on
financial management. Both should be involved in paying the monthly bills. Doing so will
keep both partners fully aware of their financial status.
Within a marriage relationship the husband and wife are
partners who are dedicated to one another. A bond of uncompromising devotion creates a
healthy atmosphere for togetherness: studying God’s Word, praying, and even managing
money. Just as it takes two to make a marriage successful, it takes two to establish a
clear line of communication in financial planning.
message
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