Why Marriages Go Well
submitted by marriagealive.org authors David
and Claudia Arp
We know many reasons why marriages go sour, but what do
healthy marriages really look like? Evelyn and Paul Mischetta decided to find out. They
researched healthy marriages and published their results in the book, Caring Couples.
What do healthy marriages look like? Here are some of the
results:
The Mischetta's found two distinct groups of couples. The
first group were called the "naturals." The naturals were equipped for intimacy
in marriage because they had very positive childhoods. They had grown up in famines with
positive role models and with a spirit of cooperation.
The second group were the "learners." If you're
in this group, you're in the majority. Leaners have to work harder. They had less
favorable childhoods and less favorable life experiences before marriage.
Now get this -- the leaners achieved the same high levels
of marital growth as the naturals, but they used every means possible to grow in a
positive way. Like the naturals, their marriages yet remained vibrant, alive, and
exciting.
But it took hard work for both the learners and the
naturals. Good marriages don't just happen. The Mischettas shared this insight: "Too
many of us have a survival mentality. All that matters is self-interest, self-protection,
and self-expression. Set aside that survival mentality and develop the relationship with
your mate.
Remember, whether you're a natural or a learner, it takes
work to be a winner. But it's really worth it. You can be a winner in your marriage!
article reprinted with permission, for copyright
information or to reprint this article please contact the authors directly at their
website. http://www.marriagebuilders.org
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