Children in the Wedding Q & A: Kids In The Wedding Party….Will They Be In Yours?


Aren't they cute?! Wedding pictures aren't complete without a flower girl and a ring bearer! You don’t mind if you, your daughter, and husband are in our wedding do you? Look at that little suit, it's adorable! 

Kids will be kids! This phrase wasn't coined by accident. If you want kids in the wedding remember you are not getting married on Fantasy Island! Having attended to the beauty needs of hundreds of brides I have seen and heard my share of kids in the wedding party stories. Following are some tips and suggestions to help you get a better perspective on having children in attendance. 
   

 
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Kids In The Wedding Party….Will They Be In Yours? 
By Gretchen Maurer
Web site:
 
www.weddinghair.com
Email: gretchen@weddinghair.com

(continued)
Some brides want it all; kids, dogs, butterflies, doves, you name it. So if your heart is set on having your little niece and your cousin's son walk down the aisle then I say go for it! But do it with planning! Some brides think they want the kids in the wedding, but the bride may find she is better off having cardboard cutouts as stand- IN's then to have to deal with the real thing. On the other hand some of you are leaning to the side of a "no kids" wedding. For those of you sitting on the fence, let me help you choose a side.

When to have kids in the wedding party: 

1. You love children! You love their spontaneity and if they do something silly you think it will just add more charm and laughs to your day. (You'll make a great Mom too!) 
2. You are getting married early in the day. Kids are better when it is not too late in the day. This way Mom and Dad will not have to leave early to get their cranky angels off to bed. Or plan on hiring someone to whisk the kids away for the night. 
3. The children are local and can sleep in their own bed the night before. I had a bride who was having a male friend's daughter in the wedding. However, the child's parents were divorced so the mother was not in attendance to the wedding. The little girl couldn't hang out with Daddy and the grooms' men, so the bride had her sleep at her house the night before. The bride arrived late and stress to the salon the next morning because SHE had to give the child a morning bath! Not Good! 
4. They are your own children. By all means they should be a part of this special event. By being included and involved they will feel more secure about their significance and place in your new life. 
5. You don't care how her hair looks. Requesting a specific hairstyle for the flower girl can get tricky. Not every child's hair will hold a curl, nor will they sit long enough to get it done. I had three little sisters that were all in the wedding. Once the mother got everyone through the door and into the brides non-child proof small apartment everyone was stressed! The bride wanted them all to have French braids and the youngest child was three years old. She kept pushing my hand out of the way and as I would braid a section of hair she would rip it out. Oh well! 
6. You know they are "good" children. Some kids are born to be in weddings. Lois Pearce, President of Beautiful Occasions in Hamden, Connecticut (www.wdlink.com/beautiful) adds, " One of the key things to think about when considering these children is their maturity level. Does the child behave well (within reason) around adults? Are they able to understand directions? Just because they are cute is not the criteria for them to upstage the bride on her wedding day." Whether they love the attention or they are easy going and compliant you and their parents need to feel confident they will do their job well. Hey, considered them for hire. ( Just kidding ) 


When not to have kids in the wedding party: 
1. You really don't want kids in attendance and that's perfectly fine. Just because there are children the perfect age in your extended family that fit the role, don't feel obligated to add them to the wedding party. Let the parents know up front that you have chosen not to add children to the wedding party. If you have someone pressuring you to add their children to the line up then leave this article in a conspicuous place for them to read. 
2. You want your day to go perfectly as planned. This is fine also. You spent enough time and money planning every last detail and you would not appreciate uncalculated antics. One ring bearer's pillow had a music box inside. It didn't take long for him to find the wind up key in the back and then begin tossing it up in the air during the vows. 
3. You are getting married in the evening. Not a good idea to add kids to this mixture. They may not get a proper nap and others in attendance may resent the kids being around drinking adults. 
4. The kids have to travel into town. If the stay is at a familiar and welcome home then there is a better chance for a restful night. But a strange bed and changes to their routine is more than some children can handle. Check with the parents first. 
5. When there is just too many to choose from and someone might get offended. I'm sure you have seen it. Two flower girls, two ring bearers, and the groom's man stuck with the twelve-year-old junior bridesmaid. If you really don't want them, skip the kids all together. 
6. When you really don't know the parents well. The kids should mean more to the bride and groom than just cute props. Don't ask a friend of a friend's child to be in the wedding or even a long distant relative just because he or she is cute and the right age. It takes a lot of preparation, patience, prodding, and expense on the parents part to make the day go relatively smoothly. 

Kids are kids and they are unpredictable. If you can accept this and go with the flow then have them in your wedding, but remember not every kid is suited for the job. 

· There is the flower girl that thinks she is too old for the job but she is still too young to be a junior bridesmaid. (Age 4-6 for flower girls, 10-13 for Junior bridesmaids)
· The hormonal junior bridesmaid who hates the dress and hair while scowling through every picture. 
· The ring bearer who would rather drop kick the pillow than carry "that thing" covered with lace.
· The flower girl who is crying because she really thought she was getting married too! 
· The "active" flower girl who thinks it is the two yard dash and the $200 dress is just a white blur! 
· The ring bearer who thinks it is his job to clean up after the flower girl as she drops the petals and he picks them up after her. 
· The ring bearer who tears down the aisle and rips through the LOUD paper of the new toy that bribed him down the aisle in the first place. 

Tips: 

· Keep the kids at another location for dressing and preparation. One home I was at the ring bearer was giving horsy rides to the flower girl; grandpa had to step in the tears followed. At another, the little flower girl just thought it was the greatest thing to go up and down the stairs repeatedly so she could hold up her dress. Another little one swiped bobby pins and hid in the corner and "did" her own hair. 
· Make sure videos and snacks are available and kid friendly. 
· Dress them at the last possible minute. 
· For real little ones have a large bib to put on.
· Scuff up the new shoes on the bottom with sandpaper and let the kids break them in ahead of time
 
 

 


 

Choosing Your Bridal Party Q & A: What you need to know

Its our step by step guide to wedding to wedding attendants.  No matter the question, we've got an example or answer for you

The following information is articles, questions, and answers that have been submitted by ForeverWed readers.  Should these not answer your questions. Feel free to ask an expert.

 
 
Bridesmaids and Groomsmen, Getting to know one another
Choosing your bridal party
Can my bridesmaids wear black?
Dismissing a Bridesmaid or other attendant
Do we send invitations to the people in our wedding party?
Do you have a suggestion of a fun, inexpensive way to ask them to be in my
Down the aisle: Who walks with the bride?
Eight Tips for Drafting a Great Team!
Fun and unique ways to ask my friends to be by my side in my wedding
Gift Ideas for your wedding attendants
Is it a new tradition to have a maid of honor and matron of honor?
Is it appropriate to have my divorced dad & mom walk me down the isle
Is it tacky to have a MAID & MATRON of honor?
Is there a certain way your supposed to ask a person to be an attendant?
Matron of Honor and a Maid of Honor
more than one maid of honor?
Not the Maid of Honor, can I help?
order of processional
what color ties should the guys wear?

When should I ask them to be my attendants? 

Best man: Best Man Responsibilities
Best man: Duties of the Best man and Maid of Honor
Best man: How to choose your best man
Best man: The Morning of duties..
Best man: You've Been Chosen to be the Best man, Now Live up to it!
Best man: wedding duties for the night before
Best man: Writing that wedding speech
Best man: Forum: How soon should we order the tuxedos
Best man: Speech: Examples:  We have over 40 speeches
Children: Including Your Children
Children: Should you include them?
Children: Roles For Children in Weddings
Children: Ten tips on children participation  in Weddings
Children: Deciding on clothing
Children: Gift Ideas for children in Weddings
Children: Make your children a part of the wedding
Children: Ring Ceremony for Baby
Children: Vows that include children
Children: Including a 2 year old in the vows and ceremony
Children: Including Babies in the Ceremony
Children: Ceremony to include children
Children: Child Attendants with sitter after ceremony?
Children: How to include step children in vows
Children: Kids In The Wedding Party….Will They Be In Yours?
Children: Child care will be provided during the ceremony
Children: Who buys the pillow?
Duties: 10 Things Your Ushers Should Know
Duties: Best man Responsibilities
Duties: Do you know your duties? Check this list for your duties!
Duties: For a 4 year old daughter
Duties: Is it proper to have a maid and a matron of honor?
Duties: It is traditional for the bride to treat her maids to a luncheon
Duties: Duties of the Bestman and Maid of Honor
Duties: Maid of Honor Duties
Duties: What are the grooms parents suppose to pay for?
Duties: What exactly does a personal attendant to do?
Maid of Honor : Being the Maid of Honor
  Maid of Honor: Ordering Dresses
  Maid of Honor: Planning the Wedding Shower
  Maid of Honor (MOH): Planning the Bachelorette Party
  MOH: Tending to the Bride on the Big Day
  MOH: Advice: Can I have a maid of honor and matron of honor?
  MOH: Advice: How much money should I expect to be spending on this?
  MOH: Advice: I have been asked to be Matron of Honor, there is also a Maid of Honor.  Please advise me as to the logistics in the processional/recessional order for the both of us
  MOH: Advice: Long Distance Maid of Honor
  MOH: Advice: WHO COULD BE A MAID OF HONOR?  ALSO, HOW MANY MAID OF HONOR COULD YOU HAVE AT YOUR WEDDING?
  MOH: Advice: Is there a kosher way of letting her down? if I agree to follow through, while letting her know my concerns both financially and time commitment wise, is there an etiquette in letting others (friends, family, bridal party, etc.) know that I will NOT be paying for everything
  MOH: Advice: What do you call a guy that stands in as your maid of honor?
  MOH: Advice: maid of honor and also another friend as the matron of honor. one standing on each side.
  MOH: Advice: my best friend is getting married and has asked me to be her maid of honor, what can I wear and what are all my duties?
  MOH: Advice: I am matron of honor, I would like to give a very nice speech instead of making no sense and embarrassing my self
  MOH: Advice: Do you have any suggestions on poems, verses, jokes, etc. that would help me start and end this speech? 
  MOH: Advice: I haven't told my maid of honor that I want her to be the maid of honor yet. I really want to give her a book on being a maid of honor and how I think she is so very special.
  MOH: Advice: Mother as matron of honor
  MOH: Advice: My cousin is getting married and I am her maid of honor. What exactly am I expected to do for the wedding
  MOH: Advice: We are having 3 bridesmaids and do not want to select one as a maid of honor. Is there such a role as personal attendant who could fulfill some of the maid of honor duties?
 


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