Tips for children participation1. Ask the child in person. Run it by the parent/s first and get their permission. Unless it is impossible though, a child should be asked whether he or she wants to be in your wedding. Some don't enjoy the idea, while others will embrace it.
2. Spend some time with the child before the rehearsal and wedding. Not only can you explain the role and answer any questions the child has, but you make the child feel like he or she is actually participating in the wedding.
3. Keep the child up to date. This is especially true for older children. You can mention such things as plans for their attire, what kind of shoes they get to wear, accessories and so on. Many of these suggestions have the same goal. The child should feel as if he or she is a part of the wedding rather than a prop in the wedding.
4. Make sure the child is invited to the rehearsal. Make every effort to insure he or she attends the rehearsal. Rehearsals are even more important for children than adults. As the wedding draws nearer, the older ones worry about "screwing up", while the younger ones get increasingly nervous about their role. If this is their first wedding, it can be incredibly nerve-wracking for them. The rehearsal helps to allay their fears and gives you and opportunity to tell them they are doing a good job. Both will help with this.
5. If possible, be sure to invite the children to other festivities as well. This goes back to spending some time with them. Whether you go shopping for attire with them or invite them to a (if it's before bedtime or early) rehearsal dinner, they can further feel as if they are a part of the wedding.
6. Consider making or purchasing a gift to commemorate the wedding. My oldest daughter's favorite wedding items are her flower baskets. They help her to remember details of the weddings she has been a part of. She can tell you exactly how she tossed the petals from each basket, whose wedding the basket came from, how her attire matched and can show them off to her friends. Obviously, weddings can be important memories for children.
7. Seat the parent/s of the child in the front row. If you plan on having the child stand with you during the entire ceremony, this is a necessity. She or he may get restless or may tug on the bride's dress and ask, "Are we done yet?" (an actual example by the way). Having the parent nearby gives the child an option to sit down. If your ceremony will be long, have the child walk down the aisle, then immediately sit with their parent/s in the first row. Pre-teens and above are the only exception in this case. Children younger than that will usually become quite impatient with long ceremonies.
8. Consider having someone walk the child down the aisle. This can be a parent or a bridesmaid. This works especially well for younger children as walking down the aisle can seem scary for some of them.
9. Assign someone to help assure everything goes smoothly during the ceremony. You don't want the ring-bearer to wander off or the flower girl to start crying loudly right before the wedding march. Having someone who is willing to watch over the children (especially if they are younger) and entertain them can help minimize your chances of scenarios like this. Children like to be paid attention to, and even someone who reminds them of their duties will help. If possible, a parent of one (or more) child in the wedding can take on this role.
10. Have a "goodie bag" at the reception for the children in the wedding and those attending the wedding. This can be as simple as a coloring book and small box of crayons. This will give the kids something to do and will help in their behavior because they will occupied with the goodies.
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