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Wedding Planning
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Bridal Showers:
Q & A: Who's invited to the bridal shower?
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Answers to your most important bridal planning
questions on Bridal Showers |
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A Guide to Bridal Showers
Bridal Shower
Wedding Guests
Q. I
am planning my best friend's bridal shower,
and I am stuck! She is having an intimate,
out-of-town wedding, and there will be a
small reception immediately following the
wedding for the wedding guests. The
following weekend, she is having a much
larger reception in our hometown, which will
include guests that were not invited to the
wedding. Traditionally, guests that are
invited to the wedding are invited to the
shower, but I'm not sure what to do in this
case. Do we only invite people who are
invited to the wedding? Or can we also
invite the people who are only invited to
the reception in our hometown?
A.
This sounds like a
tough call. Yes, you're right,
according to traditional etiquette,
only wedding guests are invited to a
bridal shower. However, it is not
uncommon now for co-workers and
others who will not attend a wedding
to give showers, so this is not
always followed.
Generally, I tend to lean toward
doing what cannot be construed as
*wrong*, if you know what I mean.
But I keep thinking that the people
who are likely to come to a
"hometown reception" may well be
people who would really want to be
invited to the shower, too. .
Can you tell me, how many people are
actually attending the out-of-town
ceremony and reception? Is it a
very small number-- just immediate
family and a couple friends? Also,
were others invited and unable to
attend, or did the couple just want
this small number of guests?
The reason I ask is that many times
when a wedding is out-of-town, many
of the "normal" guests can't make
it-- like aunties and uncles,
cousins, close friends, god parents,
etc.-- people who really are very
close to the couple. That's a
draw-back of any sort of
"destination" wedding or other
wedding away from home (or of
marrying in the place you live when
your family and other loved ones
live somewhere else.)
Although it generally is considered
inappropriate according to etiquette
to have non-guests at showers for
"weddings away", it's hard to deny
that many times aunts, cousins,
friends, godmothers, etc., often
WANT to attend a shower, even though
they cannot attend the ceremony.
IF they were invited/welcome to come
to the ceremony, and just couldn't,
it's a little different situation
than if the couple didn't WANT
guests at the ceremony, in some
ways.
So, it will be a judgment call, I
think, in this case. At least the
"normal" shower guests are probably
going to the hometown reception--
they aren't missing *all* the
wedding festivities. There are
probably some logical people who
would feel hurt if they *weren't*
invited to the shower, and I would
try to figure out with the bride and
her family who those people might
be.
I would tend to keep the shower
small, though. That's part of the
decision to have a small ceremony--
you have a smaller shower (or
sometimes no shower at all).
I wish that there was a very
specific answer to this, but it
really depends on a lot of factors--
including the specifics of the
couple's wedding plans, the social
circle they are in (some families
are very strict about etiquette,
others aren't at all), etc. So
those factors need to be considered
in making a gracious decision about
this situation
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ARTICLES
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The information contained
here are questions that have been previously answered by our
consultants, our readers have generously allowed us to post
their questions to help future readers. ForeverWed
does not post questions/answers without the permission of
the authors first. All names have been changed to
protect our readers.
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