I am looking at an ivory, lace mid-length dress with sleeves 2/3 down.  Is this appropriate?

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The gown that you describe could well be appropriate for your son's wedding. However, in the end, it is up to your son and his bride to decide what is appropriate, not you or me.

Parents of the bride and groom certainly have leeway in their decisions of the style of their wedding attire, but it is important for them to look to the plans and expectations of the couple -- and the overall look of the family group -- for guidance about appropriate colors and level of formality.

I can think of a few possible problems with the outfit you describe, so I think it would be wise to discuss the subject with your son and  his bride to get their perspective.  The main issues I see with choosing this gown are:

~ The traditional ban on anyone but the bride wearing either white or off-white.   Some brides and families stick very strictly to this
tradition.  Other brides love the elegant look of the mothers (and sometimes maids, too) in white or off-white tones.  I believe it should be up to the bride to decide if anyone else will wear white/off-white.So you should ask her about this.

~ The formality and style of the wedding party's attire. If the bride and her maids are dressing quite formally, a lace dress for you might well be just right.  If the bride's gown is simpler or more contemporary, the lace dress might well seem like you are over-dressing or trying to look too "bridal" in comparison.  The length should be fine, since either mid-length or long could be appropriate if the bride's gown is floor length, and mid-length would be appropriate if she will wear a mid-length gown.

~ The impact of dress on the overall wedding ambiance.  From the tone of your message, I will assume that you will not be having a lot of large group family photos, so your gown and your son's stepmother's may not be
photographed together.  However, the family of the bride and groom do play an important role in setting the tone and mood for the wedding. So if one parent (and their spouse) dress formally, the other parent and spouse should do the same.  This applies not only to the biological parents of bride and groom, but to any step-parents involved as well. The attire of all parents attending should be both similar in formality and harmonious in color.  You owe this to the couple.

~ The idea of out-dressing other parents.  As biological mother of the groom, tradition grants you several special honors, so there is no question that you will "stand out".  Traditionally, you would be
escorted into the church after your son's stepmother, with only the bride's mother coming after you.  You would also be granted the front pew on the groom's side (with your spouse, if you have one).

To try and out-do the groom's stepmother in any overt way will more than likely reflect badly on you, not on her.  So I suggest you dress attractively and appropriately, in keeping with the preferences of the bride and groom-- and accept the honors of tradition graciously-- and not worry about what your son's stepmother will wear. Hopefully she will choose her attire in the same deferential manner, and the end result will be the most important one--- that the bride and groom are best able to enjoy their day.

Good luck in your shopping.  Best wishes to you.

Foreverwed.com expert-- Sara L. Ambarian
author of "A Bride's Touch: A Handbook of Wedding Personality and
Inspiration"/ creative consultant/ custom bridal designer
mailto:sara@www.foreverwed.com
For more wedding information:
http://www.foreverwed.com/~sara