Wedding Vows: A Brief Guide to Creating Your Own Religious Ceremony

If you're reading this, you're thinking about two things: getting married and having a religious ceremony. My approach to weddings, consistent with the philosophy of Unitarian Universalism and the times in which we live, is that the wedding "belongs" to the couple. Many people participate in weddings; some more may offer input. Still, the wedding is the couple's. Weddings I do are tailored to the couple. This philosophy my colleagues generally share.

Weddings involve two dimensions a public part and a private part. The public part is the ceremonial aspect, and occurs at the beginning and end; the private part, in the middle, is where the couple make their commitment to each other. What follows is a manual or menu that you may use to develop your wedding.

Public Dimension
* Prelude
* Processional
* Opening Words/Welcome
* Candle or Rose Ceremony: involving family and friends, as well as the couple [optional]
* Readings: chosen by couple; performed by minister or friends/family [optional]
* Reflection: on that which lies at the heart of authentic relationships

Private Dimension
* Question of Intent: Are you ready to be married? "We are."
* Vows: in our tradition typically written by the couple
* Ring Ceremony
* Wine of the Spirit Ceremony [optional]


Public Dimension
* Declaration
* Wedding Prayer
* Benediction
* Recessional


A wedding is both a joyous moment and a serious one, and an authentic wedding should reflect both the seriousness and the joy. And it should creatively reflect the values not only of the minister or the particular religious tradition, but the values of the couple as well. For couples who are part of a particular religious tradition this is not a problem. For others, of whom there are many these days, this can sometimes be tricky.

But think about it. There are many choices involved in planning a wedding. The one choice that sometimes gets overlooked is the choice of clergyperson. There are choices here as elsewhere. Take the time to talk to several clergypersons, and make sure that you find the one that feel right for both of you. While in many ways the reception is the main event, the ceremony is the spiritual center of your wedding day, give it as much thought as anything else you plan that day. Take the time to make sure that your wedding ceremony as well as your reception reflect who you really are and what you want to have happen on your wedding day.

Blessings upon you. Have a great wedding day